Master Transitions: Let Routines Guide You

It’s summertime and it feels like I’m in a continuous state of transition.  I’ve been shifting between planning, doing, anticipating, and evaluating vacation plans, family visits, things I want to accomplish (and enjoy), along with my family responsibilities and career demands.  

I’m also in another transition, where I feel changes in my priorities, health focus, and family dynamics.  This became very evident when I recently went from caring for my granddaughters out East to caring for my 95-year-old mother in the Midwest within a span of two weeks. My roles and daily routine have needed to shift, leaving me feeling at times out of sorts, lost, uncertain, as well as excited, free, grateful, and fulfilled. 

This season of life feels a bit different, a step beyond the empty nest transition, with my kids now totally independent and settled in their lives as full-blown adults. My role within the family is different, and do I dare say, I’m not needed as much?  Or, I’m just needed in a much different way, which is OK by me. 

Challenges to Maintaining Routines

Not only can seasonal weather patterns  impact our routines (just think of changes in hours of daylight), so can the changes in our season of life. Needing to accommodate aging parents, grown children moving in and out of the home, and attending to grandchildren can require us to flex our routines. (My sleep was definitely impacted when caring for my family.)

And since I’m my own boss now, I have a greater sense of freedom with my time, which is something I’ve never had before. Now that’s a transition! I get to design how I spend my time, and I carry the burden of the consequences. Hence, why I’m feeling lost and out of sorts.

I’m sure many of you have felt this sense of floundering when experiencing a transition due to family dynamics or career changes.  Perhaps there’s been the loss of a loved one, a job promotion, a divorce, retirement, or a change in housing. While the transition itself is temporary, the goal is to successfully navigate throughout the duration of the change until you become more comfortable. 

Routines Save the Day

What I’ve come to realize is that my routines are what seem to save the day when I’m in a transition.  Routines are a sequence of actions regularly followed. They involve a series of activities or tasks done in a particular order, often at specific times or in specific situations. 

Routines involve intentional planning and structuring of activities to create a consistent pattern in your day.  They are typically consciously designed to help achieve specific goals or outcomes – such as improving productivity, promoting well-being, or achieving personal or professional objectives. 

When in a transition, it’s helpful for me to actively plan and schedule activities to create that consistent pattern. That’s what’s so great about routines as opposed to habits, you can implement an action/thought/behavior relatively quickly based on your needs or circumstances. 

Most people can relate to having a fairly consistent morning, mid-day, and/or bedtime routine. But what happens when those get disrupted?  I have certain non-negotiables within my routines that help serve as guardrails or act as a compass to provide direction and keep me from getting lost in the chaos of the day or life circumstances.

Getting up around the same time and going to bed relatively at the same time works best for my day. My main non-negotiable though is movement and/or exercise.  I do much better when I’m moving my body during the day, either by taking a walk, exercising, cleaning, or any other activity where I feel productive with the movement. 

Another non-negotiable is connecting with nature. If I’m not able to get out and walk, I will expose myself to sunlight, stare out the window, even just step outside and be mindful of the nature around me. One day I got lost watching birds in the bird bath!  

I also know that I have to schedule some “me time” during the day.  This time is spent either journaling, reading, connecting with others, answering emails, and/or doing research for personal or professional reasons. 

As long as I can get in these non-negotiables, I feel that the rest of my day can bring what it may. I see these routines as a familiar structure that gives my day rhythm and flow, avoiding that feeling of chaos, floundering, or being unproductive.  Having routines provides comfort for a greater sense of stability and well-being. 

Many routines encompass healthy habits like regular exercise, sleep patterns, and balanced meals. Sticking to these routines helps maintain physical health by promoting healthy choices and avoiding disruptions. Consistent routines can also improve mental clarity and focus, leading to better decision-making.

Knowing what to expect throughout the day allows for better time management and improved focus on priorities. Routines can streamline daily activities, leaving more energy for new challenges and personal fulfillment.

Strategies for Maintaining Routines Through Transitions

One of the first things you can do to help yourself through a transition is to first admit that you’re in a season of change and are in need of activities that can serve as your compass.  This structure offers comfort and a feeling of control in a world that can feel unpredictable. Routines provide a sense of structure and predictability, especially valuable during times of change.

Identify Core Routines.  It’s so important that you recognize your own essential routines that contribute to your well-being—what I call “non-negotiables.”  Imagine your routines as a set of building blocks for your well-being. Not all blocks are created equal. Some routines have a more significant impact on your overall health and happiness.  

You want to identify the routines that have the biggest positive impact on your physical and mental health, productivity, and overall sense of well-being. These "core routines" become the foundation you build upon. They are the routines you strive to maintain even during life transitions, adapting them as needed.

For example, a core routine might be your morning exercise routine that keeps you energized throughout the day. Another might be your evening wind-down routine that helps you get a good night's sleep.

By prioritizing your core routines, you ensure you're investing your time and energy in the behaviors and habits that truly matter for your well-being and season of life.

Embrace Flexibility.  Life throws curveballs. With midlife and beyond it can be a time of significant transitions: career changes, empty nests, or caring for aging parents. These shifts can disrupt our carefully crafted routines, leaving us feeling lost and unproductive. However, the key isn't to abandon routine altogether, but rather to develop the art of adaptable routines.

Routines act as anchors. The key lies in recognizing that while routines provide structure, they shouldn't be rigid. Instead of focusing solely on "what" you do in your routine, consider a "when-then" approach. This allows for flexibility in the specifics while maintaining the overall structure. For example: "When it gets dark earlier in the fall, then I'll move my evening walk to lunchtime for better daylight."

If you can't dedicate a full hour to exercise, then break it into smaller chunks. A 20-minute morning walk or a 15-minute evening yoga session can maintain your core fitness routine even with a busier schedule, rather than doing no exercise at all.  We call this “exercise snacking.” 

Another example of adaptable routines may be a long morning walk during the summer,  swapped for a shorter indoor workout in the winter due to shorter daylight hours. Both maintain the core goal of starting your day with exercise.  

Your weekly grocery list might need to adapt to accommodate new dietary needs of aging parents, visiting grandchildren, seasonal foods, or your own change in schedule. The core routine of planned, healthy meals remains, just with adjustments.

Communicate and Collaborate. To ensure success with your transition, it’s important to have open communication with family members, co-workers, and/or others who may be affected by routine adjustments. They may be able to help you accommodate your non-negotiables in a collaborative way, providing compromise and a sense of teamwork so you don’t feel alone with the experienced changes and challenges.   

Just like verses and choruses in a song, routines create a familiar structure that gives your day rhythm and flow.

Life in midlife and beyond is a beautiful tapestry woven with changes – seasonal shifts, evolving family needs, and career transitions. While routines provide a comforting sense of stability, clinging to them rigidly can leave you feeling frustrated when life throws a curveball. Regularly reviewing your routines and adjusting them as needed allows you to maintain a sense of normalcy while navigating significant life transitions.  

And who knows, maybe you’ll find yourself singing in the rain out on your walk!