Breaking the Habit: My Sober Curious Journey
I’d been hearing a lot about “Dry January” and “Sober October,” but it wasn’t until I chose the word “discipline” as my Word of the Year (WOTY) for 2023 that I truly discovered what it means to be "sober curious." 🧐
Over the past few years, I’ve noticed my tolerance for alcohol decreasing. After just two or three drinks, I’d feel lethargic, foggy, a bit nauseous, and sometimes even suffer from a headache after a night out with friends.
That’s when I decided to put my WOTY—discipline—into practice and challenge myself by giving up alcohol for Lent. This wasn’t just about abstaining from alcohol for a period; Lent offered a chance to grow spiritually and personally by developing self-discipline. It was about reshaping habits and learning to commit to something that would push me out of my comfort zone.
The Ripple Effects of Change
As I considered the implications of this decision, I realized it would affect not just me but my relationships too. For example, my husband and I had developed the ritual of enjoying a glass of wine together after work. It was our way of unwinding and connecting after a long day. While I was fully on board with the idea of giving up alcohol, he struggled with the change since it altered the dynamic of our nightly routine.
To adapt, I loaded up on non-alcoholic beverages and enjoyed those while we continued to talk, cook, and relax together. It wasn’t the same, but it became a new, intentional bonding time. 🍷✨
Then there were the social situations—Super Bowl parties, Girls Night Out, baby showers, and family gatherings. I faced the challenge of explaining my choice not to drink in these familiar settings. While people were understanding during Lent, their curiosity grew when I decided to continue my alcohol-free journey beyond the season.
Finding My "Why" – The Power of Reflection
That’s when I had to pause and reflect on my “why.” As James Clear explains in his book Atomic Habits, our behaviors are often tied to our identity. I realized that I didn’t want to be the kind of person who automatically reached for a drink to unwind after work. That ritual had become an autopilot habit, and I was ready to break it.
This decision wasn’t about saying goodbye to wine forever; it was about gaining control over my choices and becoming more intentional about when and why I had a drink. I was breaking a habit—and as Clear points out, it’s often easier to build new habits than it is to break old ones.
Creating New Habits: The Four Laws of Behavior Change
To shift my behavior, I applied Clear’s four laws of behavior change: make it obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying. I made non-alcoholic options more appealing by keeping a variety of drinks in the house, and I found new ways to relax that didn’t involve alcohol. Cooking, chatting with my husband, and spending time together became more fulfilling without the need for a glass of wine.
Socially, I got creative. I brought my own bottles of sparkling water to gatherings, and when dining out, I found that ordering club soda with lime was not only satisfying but felt just as celebratory as a cocktail. 🍹
The Rewards: A Sense of Control and Clarity
The rewards were immediate and tangible. Physically, I felt better—no more sluggish mornings or headaches. Mentally and emotionally, I felt more clear-headed and, most importantly, in control. I wasn’t a person who needed alcohol to enjoy life or to cope with stress. I was someone who could choose when and how to drink, not someone at the mercy of a habit.
What started as an exercise in discipline turned into an opportunity for habit-building and self-discovery.
The Power of Small Changes: Habits and Identity
Research suggests that nearly 45% of our daily behaviors are driven by habits, many of which operate on autopilot. Whether it’s brushing our teeth, making coffee, or how we react when we walk into our homes, these unconscious habits shape who we are.
The impact of small, intentional changes to our habits can be profound. Every shift—no matter how minor—can lead to a shift in your identity. That’s why the first step toward changing your habits is awareness. You can’t change what you don’t recognize, and habits often run on autopilot.
Reflecting on Your Habits: What Would You Like to Change?
Is there a behavior or habit in your life that feels out of alignment with who you want to be? Whether it’s your relationship with food, work, or even alcohol, taking the time to reflect on these areas can spark positive change.
As James Clear writes, “The seed of every habit is a single, tiny decision. But as that decision is repeated, a habit sprouts and grows stronger.” Consistency, not perfection, is key.
Building New Habits with a Supportive Community
Changing behavior isn’t easy, but it’s much more effective when you have a community to support you. If you're looking for guidance and a supportive environment to help you build healthier habits, Once Upon a Habit Coaching is here to help. It’s so important to find a community of like-minded individuals who can cheer you on as you transform your habits and develop into the best version of yourself. 🎉🥳👏
Want to Learn More About Sober Curiosity?
If you're interested in exploring the concept of "sober curious" and learning how it could enhance your life, check out these helpful resources. By making intentional changes in our behavior, we take the first step toward building a more mindful and empowered life.